IMPORTANT PUBLIC MEETING - PLEASE TRY TO ATTEND IF YOU ARE A ... on Twitpic

IMPORTANT PUBLIC MEETING - PLEASE TRY TO ATTEND IF YOU ARE A ... on Twitpic

offshore call centres - and the broken green cable box

OFFSHORE CALL CENTRE

Why  oh why do we have to suffer the frustration of trying to explain technical and non-technical problems to people in offshore call centres ?

On Sunday I happened to spot that the green cable box in my street had been trashed ! When I say trashed, I am talking lid off , cables exposed !

The more I sat and thought about it, the more I felt that I should do something about it so I went to ring my telephone , tv and internet service provider to report the state the box was in as I could see people in the area suffering a loss of service should the local gang of cable box trashers decide to pull the cables out !

I picked up my phone- landline which appeared to be ok and dialed the number that I needed to dial.

here is what happened :

Ring ring ! ring ring ! Hi you are through to ********* to deal with your call efficiently we have 4 options 

•  If you want to make a payement or would like to talk to us about anthing else to do with your account press 1.
• If you whish to let us know you have moved house or are thinking of leaving us - press 2
• If you have trouble accessing any of your services or want to report a faul press 3
• For anything else press 4                                                                                                       I thought righ ok I will press number 3 , so I press number 3 and I am greeted by ' ok lets get you some help quickly' then bugger me I am then greeted with 4 more bloody options. Then after the phone has rang for sometime on the option that I pressed I am greeted with 'Good afternoon my name is Pete can I take your name please (Indian accent). Pete takes my name, my phone number, my password and then asks 'and what can I do for you today madam'. I tell him about the damaged green cable box out in the street , then he asks me and is your TV box working madam, I respond with yes my TV box is working. He then asks have you any problems with your internet madam?, I respond by saying no thats fine. He then asks 'have you any problems with your phone madam'. I reply 'no I am talking to you on it, but if you dont get the green box fixed then I might not be for much longer !                                                                                                         I was asked a series of questions such as location of the box so on and so forth . Pete said he was filling out a form and would send an engineer out to fix it !                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

The next day I pick up my landline to make a call bugger ! No dialing tone.

Phone is as dead as a dodo that has been dug up !

Green box still damaged , cables hanging out like its got more snakes that Medusa's head!

I get my mobile and ring the same number to report the same problem plus that I now have no landline !

I go through the same processes except when I get through I am greeted with 'Good afternoon, my name is Katie (Indian Accent), what can I do for you today'.

I go through the same process as I did the day before except she wanted to know what type of green box it was !

How the bloody hell do I know - I am not a bloody cable engineer.

Then I was asked ' madame what is your email address ' 5 times I repeated it , 5 bloody times ! 

I asked how long will it take to get an engineer out to fix the box and plug me back in - 'oh it could be some time madam'.

In the end I manage to get a whopping £12.00 line rental waved for the next month which I would bloody refuse to pay anyway as I still have not got any landline and today is thursday !

I feel exasperated , I have spent my weekend speaking to Peter and Katie in an offshore call centre somewhere in India and I feel as though I have been put through the ' report your fault' trial - Well I was a ****** ***** customer , now get me out of here ! 

......... and if the green box is not fixed by tomorrow , I will be calling the retentions department , changing my name to Mrs Branson and telling them if the green box is not fixed immediately - I am sacking them as my provider and going else-where ! 

GREEN CABLE BOX 

BIG IT UP FOR THE BIO BUG !

 ( http://germancarscene.com/2010/08/06/bio-bug-is-flushed-with-power/)


I was very interested to see the 'Bio Bug' or 'Dung Beetle' as it is also known by on the news this evening.
Brilliant little car that runs off human waste that is turned into bio-fuel.


As my mind wandered and wondered, it suddenly struck me that why was it shown on the news at this time ?
I am a believer in synchronicity and after watching the goings on in Libya it suddenley struck me !


What if the trouble in Libya affects our oil and fuel getting to us ? 
Then I thought well if the Sh*t hits the fan so to speak, then its sh*t we need to keeps us mobile!


When you think about it, it all makes a lot of sense , no matter how hard you try , the world will never run out of human waste - unless people protest of course and go on strike for a month with a good intake of immodium plus !
I recon another source could come from colonic irrigation centres, I am sure they would be up for recycling.


From now on, when I am sat on the throne downloading the latest app for my phone as the bottom falls out of my world ! nudge, nudge, wink, wink - I will think to myself 'yes I have potentially helped to create bio fuel'.


What with the big society and the we are all in this together thing - well I suppose we all Sh*t and create human waste and this in turn will be a contribution to the new type 'bio fuel'.  No doubt there will be times when some of us contribute more than others especially after a good night on the town followed by a very hot curry ;- )


Big it up for the Bio Bug I say - the future is here !

TROLLEY RAGE ! Arrrggghhh

Why is it that whenever I go food shopping I end up with a trolley with either a wobbly wheel, one with a wheel that suddenly locks as I turn the corner, one that is so out of control, you have to walk sideways with it like a bloody crab, or one that makes a clicking sound as though its a bleeding measuring wheel ! Maybe it is a special trolley that has been rigged up to measure a random journey around the shop floor, who knows !
Whatever day I shop on, I always seem to end up with 'The Trolley'.
I was quite cross today, as everywhere I seemed to go with 'The Trolley' I couldn't get round. Every isle I embraced, there was a group of shoppers having a natter as though they were all stood at the bar in the pub !
Sometimes you have to be a bloody contortionist to wheedle your way through just to grab a bag of frozen peas or a tin of beans.
Well enough is enough the trolley war is on. I am taking a go-ped with me next time and I shall attach it to 'said trolley', rev it up and zip up and down the ilses and do stunts to get to where I want to be like Evil Knievil. No one will stand in my way !!!!!!!!!! .................in my dreams !

I Bloody Well Hate That Word 'Hun' !

Why is it that many facebook users and people who chat on other social networking sites often use the word 'Hun'?


I bloody well hate it !
In the urban dictionary it means: "short for honey, an endearing term , Hey hun, i missed you!"


Every time I see it or hear it, it reminds me of 'chaviness' , I picture the 'hun user' as one who smokes one fag/roll-up after another and drinks white lightening.


In Wiki- terms 'Hun' means - "The Huns were a group of nomadic pastoral people who, appearing from beyond the Volga, migrated into Europe c. 370 AD and built up an enormous empire in Europe."


I suppose its like a lot of words of late - our dictionary seems to be expanding at a vast rate with urban slang and text talk !  


I mean take 'minger' for example - Urban dictionary meaning: "Although now more commonly used to define an extremely visually challanging appearance, the word minger originally came from scottish gaelic, meaning 'septic vagina'. 

"
Now often used by chavs all over Britain to define anything remotely disgusting

Eurgh look Shaz, thats right minging, innit?

Wiki Definition: Minger - colloquial (and highly pejorative) British slang to refer to a man or woman perceived as unattractive, or something that's disgusting.

Munted is another word I often hear - Urban dictionary : " completely twatted of your face & gurning like a water buffalo.

fuck me, I was munted last night. "

Wiki Definition :  Sorry can't find it on Wiki. 

So where do these words come from ? Who makes them up and defines the meanings ?

It fascinates me how words and language have evolved and changed over the years. maybe I should study lexicology more often .

Jeremy Kyle Show - with potential users of the word 'Hun'

Anyway - if you happen to come across me on facebook - please do not refer to me as 'hun' or face being blocked /deleted or removed . The word makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck and I would rather eat bugs from the jungle than use it myself !

Attila the Hun 

    

Damned if you do ! Damned if you don't ! Its a load of old bollards really !

I did have to smile to myself when I read the Swindon Advertiser the other night !
There was a story in there about this bloke complaining about people driving cars up his alley ! Ouch ! sounds painful .

Well to cut a long story short - the council moved a lamp-post that was situated in the middle of the alleyway - I guess they may had complaints that it was in an awkward position and in the way ! However, since they moved it - this has now made the alleyway accessible to vehicles to use as a rat run !

The council basically said that they didn't realise that the lamp-post was more than just a lamp-post , as if they'd have left it where it was in the first place, it would have served a duel purpose !

So ..... I wonder what they will do , as the bloke is getting well pee'd off with vehicles keep driving up his alley (ok not his alley but the alley where he lives).

Do they move the lamp-post back to where it once was , or do they look at putting in a bollard or two !
Either way its going to cost money and I bet they wish they didn't move the lamp-post in the first place , and I bet the person who made a song and dance so they did move it , wishes they never as they now have a worse problem than just a lamp-post in the way !
Picture below taken from: http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/local/8323817._Stop_cars_using_this_alleyway_as_a_shortcut_

/

Why Is It ??

It was 3.00am last Saturday morning when I was woken by 'im indoors, number 1 son, number 2 son and my brother' loading the car with fishing gear for their big sea fishing trip.
I then eventually dozed off and am rudely awakened by the neighbour down the road having a bitch fit at the old man !

I could hear him knocking on the door, calling her - ***** let me in , aww come on love !
Then she goes into one ! and shrieks get outta my F*****g house !  I thought to myself , he's not in your house love , he is outside wanting to get in ! Anyway this went on and on , then he gets in his little orangey/yellow peugeot (wicked ! wicked!) zooms off, then zooms back for a second try (obviously went round the block - in more ways than one may I add !).

He knocks the door again ! - then she shouts for him to get out of her house again, but he is so obviously not in her house or he wouldnt be asking to be let in the house !

The best bit was - we all know , yep the whole street knows that he can't keep his c**k in his trousers because she said so  - she even named him 'oh ******* ******** can't keep his c**k in his trousers !

Well later on that day, I was outside putting me recycling out as you do! When I saw a neighbour who lives opposite the man who cannot control the beast ! and she shouted out to the Mrs who wanted him out of her house but never let him in 'ere, fancy that ! - the woman said 'what'  - the neighbour said 'you're old man wots his name ****** ****** can't keep his c**k in his trousers !' - the woman said 'and  how the hell do you know' - the neighbour said 'the whole bloody street knows love, oh and before you decide to throw him out of your house, he needs to be in it in the first place ' .

We haven't heard a peep since !

So why is it we say these things when arguing ? Is it really for the benefit of the street and its ears , is it because one has had such a crap night waiting up for him all night , that we decide we will wake everyone else up too !

There is one thing for sure - if he was my old man, I would let him in, wait until he was asleep and smack it between two house bricks !